In today’s educational environment, the biggest question parents face isn’t simply whether their child is “competing” enough — but that no matter how much money you throw, no matter how many cram-classes you pay for, it may all be in vain. Because the degree and the forms of educational “involution” have become increasingly unpredictable.

1. Domestic Involution — the Struggle of “Normal” Kids and the Breakdown of Parents

Yesterday I sent a 15-year-old to a Bangkok “Prep” international school for an entrance test. His mom lives in Shanghai. Back in 2023, when she contacted us, the child was in the first year of junior high at a private school in Shanghai, with average grades — placed in a “parallel class.”

Every morning he woke at 6 a.m., every night he didn’t finish homework until 11:30 p.m., weekends were fully scheduled with supplementary classes in Chinese, math, English and Olympiad math. The annual tuition for supplementary lessons alone reached 280,000 RMB. Yet how were his grades? In a class of 40, he always lingered around rankings 25–35. The mom was baffled: why, after so many extra classes, did his grades still not improve?

Even worse, the pressure turned the child more rebellious: skipping classes, not doing homework, talking back to teachers. The mother got calls of complaint from teachers almost every few days. She said: “I’m dragged to the school office often, standing there like I were my child. It felt like my child’s poor academic performance was my original sin — like I were an irresponsible parent. But I’ve done everything. I knew my child was just an average kid, and forcing him was pointless.”

Even more crushing was how teachers would publicly call out parents in group chats: “Parent of XXX — your kid was sleeping in class,” “XXX skipped exercise duty today, parent please come to school,” “Only x days left until the high school entrance exam — if you keep going like this, things won’t go well.”

In the middle-aged life of this mother, she had to worry about her business slipping, pay for supplementary classes, listen to the teachers’ scolding. Negative emotions grew heavier. Seeing her child procrastinate made her angry, which made the child even more rebellious — a vicious circle. “Sometimes I woke up at midnight and really didn’t know what we were working so hard for.”

At that time she considered sending the child abroad to an international school. I suggested she transfer by the latest end of junior high (grade 8), which would align with foreign high school entry. But she still wanted to wait for the high school entrance exam. Until this year, before the exam, she told me: “I can’t do this anymore. At this rate, if my child doesn’t collapse, I will.”

The child stopped going to school and joined our Bangkok training center. After two months of intense training, his mock test scores rose from 30 to 75. He has now received offers from two quality British-system schools in Bangkok — "Regent" and "Bsmgrove" — just waiting for the final result from Prep (due to curriculum reasons he'd have to drop one grade). The mother deeply regrets not listening to me earlier — transferring sooner might have spared them all this pain.

In today’s education circles, cases like this are not rare. Once involution ramps up, parents with resources rush to send children abroad; those without resources can only keep “pushing” their kids. Kids attend all kinds of supplementary classes — Olympiad math, English, programming — until they’re sick of it. Yet even then, they might still fail to get into a good high school. And even if they barely get into high school, chances are they’ll only get to an average university and still struggle finding employment.

I don’t know if any parents reading this share the same anxiety. In this environment, children’s childhoods vanish in a flash; and this generation of middle-aged parents pours in endless energy, money and effort — yet, all that yields in return is anxiety.

2. Overseas “Involution”: A Conscious Choice of Growth, Not Passive Pressure

So does sending your child abroad mean no more “involution”? Not really — sometimes it gets even more intense.

Last year I sent a child to a Bangkok ISB international school. Guess what time he woke every morning? 5:30 a.m.! Because he had to attend swimming-team training — aiming for inter-school Southeast-Asia swimming competitions. The coach was a former member of the Thai national team. Practices were four times a week, each lasting two hours. After school at 4 p.m., he still had to join the school’s robotics club, preparing for that year’s VEX robotics competition.

Besides overseas competitions, he was preparing for domestic computer-programming contests. During prep periods, every Friday after school he would fly back to Shanghai alone for training — then return to Bangkok on Sunday. He was also prepping for the AMC 10 math competition.

You say, is this “involved”? This is downright intense! But here's the crux: these were all his choices.

He summed up very well: “Domestic pressure on grades is strong, but I took the solid academic foundation I built in China and combined it with the confidence, creativity, critical thinking, leadership, and teamwork cultivated in a Thai international school — that’s a killer combo!”

I saw on his mom’s social-media posts — though the child was sun-tanned, his eyes had light. Every time he won a competition, that confident smile from the heart appeared — something never seen when he was stuck doing drills back home.

3. Domestic vs. Overseas — Two Different Styles of “Racing”

(1) Domestic: One single standard, forced involution

Domestically, the “first gate” of involution is buying a house in a good school district. Getting into a good school is only the beginning. If grades are poor — more tutoring is needed; if tutoring doesn’t boost grades — anxiety ensues. If you accept that your child is an average kid and skip tutoring — you feel irresponsible compared to others who are tutoring.

Elementary school leads to a competitive junior-high entrance exam; junior-high leads to high school entrance; high school leads to the college entrance exam. If you don’t get into the “985/211” schools you worry — even if you barely get in, you realize job market’s tough — so maybe do a master’s or doctorate.

Even if a kid barely enters a top university, that doesn’t guarantee a bright future. I know a child who — from primary school to key middle school and high school — was supported by the family every step: the grandfather even sat in a corner of the classroom to learn with him, then at home tutored him again. In the end, he got into a top-tier university (a “985”). The family was proud.

But in the first year, the kid dyed his hair, smoked, played video games, flunked courses — nearly got expelled. With the family’s intervention, the kid managed to avoid expulsion by repeating a year, but then told them he didn’t even want to continue studying. The grandfather nearly sank into depression. He couldn’t understand: a child raised so strictly, worked so hard — how did he end up like this?

Truth is simple. That kid had no time to play when he was supposed to; once in college — he doubled down on playing.

(2) Overseas: Multiple standards, voluntary striving

Overseas, education rhythm is completely different. Elementary school might have 40 % intensity, middle school 80 %, and real learning only starts in university at 100 %. Domestic schooling is the opposite: by junior-high or even elementary, kids are already at 100 % intensity — leaving them underpowered for later stages. Like a sprint vs a marathon. Domestic kids sprint hard at the start — by the time the finish line comes, they’re exhausted. Abroad they gradually build stamina, speed up — sprint at the final stretch.

I know another girl — a Chinese kid who transferred to a U.S.-style international school in Bangkok in 2023. She also “raced hard,” but for something she wanted. She joined the school’s entrepreneurship club, developed an app to help children in remote Thai mountain areas learn English, preparing to enter a global youth entrepreneurship competition. On weekends she flew to northern mountainous regions to do field research, taught herself programming and product design, and prepared an all-English pitch for the competition. She was exhausted — but her mom told me: “Now I understand — this is real, meaningful striving. She’s working hard for something she truly cares about, not just for a single score.”

4. Two Modes of “Racing,” Cultivating Two Types of People

Domestic “racing” — single-standard, score-oriented, forced involution. It cultivates test-taking machines. Once they finish exams, their other competencies often remain limited.

Overseas “racing” — multi-standard, rounded capability oriented, voluntary striving. It cultivates a more complete individual: academic, athletic, artistic, leadership, social responsibility — each dimension growing.

One produces one-dimensional warriors with perfect exam skills but limited other abilities; the other cultivates multidimensional warriors — with academic skills, sports, creativity, social awareness, a full-rounded personality.

5. Conclusion

Every day I receive messages from parents in the background: “Sister, I don’t want my child to continue like this,” “I spent so much money — why is my child less and less happy,” “What should I do?” Seeing these, I really feel for this generation of parents.

In this whirlpool of educational involution, too many children’s childhoods — and too many of our middle-aged years — are lost in pressure and struggle. We try our hardest to give children a better future — but in the end, we become each other’s heaviest burden.

Education should be about letting children grow happily and realize their own value; nowadays, instead, it has fallen into such distorted involution.

Maybe it’s time to stop — to reflect on our educational approach — and to give kids a truly healthy, joyful environment to grow.

If you also feel lost about your child’s education path, unsure how to find the right way for them — feel free to reach out to “Sister.” Let’s explore “another possibility,” and let them bloom on the track that suits them best.